Regrettable Things

Out of spite of being sick, I decided to attend a christmas party.... I should not have gone. Or I should have gone to the first half , but skipped the second. Not really sure if I should have gone at all, ofcourse I knew if I went somewhere to begin with I'd be out all night. I think at one point A and I were debating on going to the bar... infact I think we were walking across the street when a group of gang members previously at the party told us bars were lame and asked us to come up to the second half of the party. I mean the first half was nice, chill and hardly crazy. The second half, was pretty...well...drunk. Not just including me, however I was smashed, everyone else was just as, if not, more wasted than I. Anyways I decided to let lose. Or something like that. It was going well though, I'm not sure if I was flirting with my friends or if I was being flirted with, non the less it was fun. I had a good time. Up until the part where I was nearly assaulted by E. I guess it wasn't too assaulting, I mean we do this once in a while I just don't know how he can when he has a girlfriend, unless his girlfriend is doing the same which I kind of was wondering about earlier in the party because she would sneak off with D and be gone for almost an hour at a time. Poor guy. Atleast we didn't have sex.This is why I usually never go to parties, especially christmas parties. Everyone seems to be in the mood for a good fucking. On top of that I was going to go to work today, seriously I was but I was out until 6 am and ended up sleeping in and I'm still kind of drunk.

Atleast I have a beer. Good old Christmas Eve. I guess family dinner has changed from tonight to tomorrow, which is good since I really don't want to spend christmas day dinner at the boyfriend's. I mean he's nice and all, and his folks are well... they're somethin different all together, but if I'm going to be eating a family dinner it might as well be with my own. Damn, he invited me for supper tonight. And on top of it it's at his grandparents. . . .. I don't know if I can handle this whole relationship thing anymore. And to find this out around christmas time is just dreadful. I mean all the gifts and shit. Not really an emotional thing for me. I just feel bad cuz now he got me a present, so I can't break up with him until I've gotten him a present, which I haven't yet. I wish I could live with a bunch of people who didn't believe in this make believe shit.

I might as well go. Just to be a nice girlfriend and all. Ew, Pilsner. I can't wait to get out of this town. I can be fucked up some place new. I think I'm just going to stash away money for the next year so that I don't have to work for a year when I move there. Or I'll just work casually. Either way, the working class sucks. Sorry if I mis-type. I'm still a little tipsy. I'd love to just write a book and become famously rich so I don't have to work those odd jobs doing whatever, wherever. I mean, I'll face it now I'll never be a famous musician, plus I still can't fathom selling my music for a living, that'd just be horrible and everyone will just steal it anyways so I won't get a paycheque. Nope, I'd much rather just write for a living and play music for fun. I guess I'm going to take up a Creative Writing course at the college this semester. A local author is teaching it so it will probably be pretty spectacular.

This time of year always makes me go crazy with thoughts. I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's the solstice. I wouldn't doubt it. It makes me not want to leave my bed and just read and write and rant and rave. I think that's the whole college student thing. Up all night writing term papers and what nots. I wouldn't mind a good shot of the crazies during end of terms. What music do I usually listen to at this time....I'm listening to Muse but I don't think it's adding to my creativity or inspiring me in any way. I never have listened to the Sick Puppies, lately I've been deciding to though. I am determined to listen to new music. Yea I'm not sure... kinda sounds like poprocks. Sorry, not diggin it. Sick Puppies seems a bit too mainstream for me. Plus it's really soft and annoying. Like the guy's auditioning for Twilight. Plus I think he's secretly crazy. He looks it. I need a new band that I can become obsessed with. Maybe I'll find one from Vancouver area. Fuck I love 21 Tandem Repeats. Once I move to Vancouver I am definitely going to be going to Robertson's jams. They invited me to a few, but I couldn't just strut on over. That's a good 14 hour drive. But still, I'm excited for all the culture Vancouver has to offer me. I think I'm out of ranting for now.