Welcome back!...to the real world

So it's been quite some time, I don't even think I remember how to blog, or how I want to portray my blogging skills. Best to just go with it I suppose. Every blog I see seems so well-put together. It's almost as though I am as tasteless as I am well...tasteless. Anyways it's only my first entry in forever, so I guess it's okay to just ...rant. Been listening to a lot of Deftones lately, my favors in music seem to come in waves. I finished reading the first whole book in probably four years, and a novel at that! Not smoking pot has really made a difference, I'm just afraid I might turn to other drugs for a bit, you know those weird pill-kind-of-drugs. I've kind of lost the whole 'habitual drinker' thing. Being an alcoholic takes it's toll on you and after a while it's just not that fun anymore, not really the reason I drank, I mostly just was trying to 'escape' or something I'm not quite sure because drinking does the exact opposite of forgetting, neurologically. I'm thinking I might just dibble dabble in a few other things, even though I want to clean up my act totally, experiementation is what inspires me. To be honest, I wish I wasn't in this dead end town. College this semester will be great though, it makes me feel good to just be getting so into something. I just can't wait, to experience something a little.... more. It's odd to say, but I still feel like I'm 15. It's almost like drugs and alcohol, depression and axiety with a hint of psychosis have kept me young. I still have my mind, but it felt good to lose it for a bit. Feels like just yesterday I was wishing to be older and going to University in Vancouver... and now by this time next year I will be. All at the supple age of 20 years old. What a rush! I've been desperately sick this last week, I think I'm allergic to Christmas. The whole ritual sickens me. Atleast next year I won't have to partake in such things... I'd rather be on my own, exploring a whole new city. One can only dream of what the big city has to offer. I used to fantasize about bringing my laptop to the local Starbucks when I live in Vancouver, and become a famous underground writer, maybe someone would come up to me and talk to me about whatever I was writing. Then I figured it was kind of stupid, why wouldn't I just write everywhere? I plan to once I get my new laptop. It's going to be a little notebook one or whatever that you can bring everywhere, this laptop's going to hell basically. I'll probably keep it around to watch some movies sometimes since it has an alright screen. I plan to just write, I used to before I started drugs and drinking, well mostly I think it was just the pot. I kind of got unmotivated after a couple years of daily toking. Mushrooms kind of mushed me up a bit too, but I admit, I over did it. Music kind of makes me feel high, I guess it doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well either. I always seem to go crazy in Winter time. One can only hope Vancouver won't be like this. I look forward to my classes at Capilanou, and the interesting people I will meet and the discussions we will have concerning similar interests. I'd love to be a well known author living in Vancouver, writing for a living. I used to write novel material all the time until I became delusional and what not. I guess I could write a novel on that. I'm pretty good at short stories. I'll look into it, maybe I should make a list of goals, one of them being to get published this year. Another thing that annoys me, New Year's Resolutions. As constructive as they are, I almost doubt anybody goes through with them. I know I never have. I've always been fond of goal making though, although when I was 15 most of my goals surrounded the idea of drugs and other non profitable things. I'm going to have a cigarette.