4 days

I've been sober 4 days and I've been feeling ever so more depressed. I started a body cleanse. I plan to do more of them once I'm done this one. Perhaps a lung cleanse next. I think I have a sinus infection. J just asked me to come drink some whiskey, he's depressed about his girlfriend dumping him and drinking seems to also be his coping mechanism. I turned him down. No way am I willfully going to just give up like that. It's already been four whole days. I can do this. I can make a week. College started today, I registered for Creative Writing 209. I'm thoroughly excited. Class is on Thursday night at 6 until 9. I didn't end up going to another AA meeting tonight, but I plan to next Tuesday. A friend of mine said he will come with me. I've been feeling a lot of rage lately. Rage towards everyone. I feel like killing someone in a million different ways. So many problems I have to deal with, just when I thought I was all caught up ten more just piled up. I've hardly gotten organized for classes yet. I plan to start working out in the morning. I just can't help this insomnia. Why has it gotten this intense? Is it because I'm alone with my thoughts and I continually overthink every little detail of my life? I plan to quit my job. I haven't showed up for a while. I think they know. I'm just scared to go back. I always have this problem and I recently over came it, although it was a year later I still went through with it. I think my phobias or social anxieties or whatever are easing up a bit. Who knows I practically cried trying to walk into that AA meeting last night. Alcohol made me appear stronger, but deep down I'm weak when it comes to shit like this. I'm a phoney weak son of a bitch, not to mention I am a cold hearted bitch. I don't care about anybody but myself deep down, I'm a loser and a slut. Saying these things doesn't really help anything but I think it kind of just allows me to see what I really think about myself when I'm not drunk. J's drunk and rambling. Poor soul. I've almost watched the entire series of Sopranos now. I'm on the last disk of season 4. I think there's two more. I feel like I should be talking to a shrink for christs sake.