AA

Day three of sobriety. I went to an AA meeting last night, or this night, whichever. It was okay but I almost threw up trying to walk in the door. I had a couple panic attacks on the walk over but everyone was really nice. I plan on going again tonight around 8pm. I feel really depressed since my last drink. I want to drink all the time. I tried to find some pills to maybe change myself but I couldn't find anything acceptable for a high so I ended up reading last night until 6 am. I woke up around 5pm. I guess I attacked some guy at the New Year party. I think that will be my last party ever attended until I'm old and sober for five years. Class starts tomorrow and I have not been at work since mid December. I should tell the shop I'm quitting and start looking for a new job. I've almost completed reading Nice Recovery by Susan Juby, my next book to read is Choke by Chuck Palanhiuk. I need to start going through my things and ridding myself of useless items amongst other things. It's 5 in the morning and I can't sleep. I feel guilt and remorse. I feel like killing myself a lot but my dog is what keeps me here. I haven't done any writing lately besides this blog. I'm scared for the next few weeks. Does alcohol really affect me this much? Apperantly so. I hate the person I've become. I need to change, drastically. I'm estatic for college and classes, new teachers and school work.